Healing Mother and Daughter Relationships
For mothers and their daughters, aged 12 to 18…
Oh, you can still remember those words…
“It’s a girl!!!”
And how lucky you felt. What a blessing…
“We’ll be so close… best friends even!?”
“We’ll tell each other secrets.”
“We’ll share our hopes, dreams, and fears!”
It seems like yesterday you were reveling in that vision… but now, it seems so far away.
The bond between a mother and daughter is unique.
It can be an unbreakable bond of love and connection.
But it can also be complicated, difficult, and even toxic.
Have you thought, “I love my daughter, but I’m trying hard to LIKE her?”
Sometimes it seems like ANYTHING you say or do is wrong. A simple “Hi. How was your day?” can trigger an argument that leads to your daughter yelling, slamming doors, storming out of the house, or screaming her favorite words, “You can’t control me!!”
You seem to clash over minor things.
Arguing and insults result in days-long silence.
You tiptoe around each other to avoid blowups.
You feel like you are at war in your home!
You miss your happy little girl.
The one who held your hand as you walked her into her kindergarten class…
The one who shared her triumphs and troubles…
The one who played dress up in your clothing…
The one who said she would grow up and be a famous YouTuber, lawyer, and President!
Where has the time gone… and how did you two end up in a minefield of rebellion and disrespect?
You feel guilty for not controlling your emotions and lashing out at her.
You’ve tried apologizing, spending more time together, and winning her with gifts. You have tried everything you can think of, but nothing has worked.
And it’s impacting your entire family because your husband doesn’t want to get caught in the middle.
Sadly, it’s come to this, but you’ve found yourself thinking about that famous countdown to her turning 18.
The toxicity can have long-term consequences for both of you.
A strained mother-daughter relationship can lead to lifelong struggles maintaining healthy relationships and self-esteem. It can lead to mental health challenges with anxiety, depression, compulsive behaviors, eating disorders, and PTSD.
It can also affect your daughter’s personality, leading to things like:
Having high or unrealistic expectations…
Engaging in harsh self-criticism…
Exhibiting a lack of self-respect, self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-compassion…
Saying “yes” when they want to say “no” to please others…
Projecting negative emotions onto others…
Looking for other people or things to fulfill their well-being needs…
… and downplaying hard-earned achievements out of shame or guilt.
I know your heart is heavy, but hope isn’t lost!
There are ways to work on your mother-daughter bond and open spaces so your daughter feels more comfortable getting closer to you.
Like all relationships, both parties are responsible for working on themselves as individuals and their relationship together. In therapy, you’ll learn to nurture and affirm each other as you do that.
In our co-creative space, we will uncover the unhealthy beliefs, patterns, and thoughts that create a wedge between you.
Ultimately, this work is about creating a relationship that promotes harmony and well-being for both of you – one in which you’re at peace with yourselves and each other.
Here’s what we’ll do…
Getting to know you…
We’ll start with an intake session where I speak to you and your daughter separately. This will give me information about the history of your relationship and a global view of what you and your daughter see as the key issues between you. Some of them you might agree on; others you might not.
Assessing your personality and communication style…
Each of you will complete assessments to give me a better idea of your personalities, communication styles, and how you approach conflict. I’ll use this information to ensure we move forward peacefully and positively.
Resolving conflict…
Focusing on active listening skills and mediation techniques, we will practice and role-play the most pressing sources of conflict in your relationship. For example, at the beginning of each session usually, tension is high for both mother and daughter. We will use deep breathing for 5-10 minutes to help calm the nervous system and decrease the “fight or flight” response. When we come into a session unregulated, it is easier to fall back into conflict.
We will practice listening without questioning, only relating and validating. This improves perspective-taking and helps to restore compassion. When the mother and daughter relationship has been damaged, each is often on defense and gets stuck in conflict.
Connecting…
We will brainstorm ideas for building habits that support your daily and long-term connection.
By listening without judgment and validating without minimizing, conflict is inevitable. But we will work toward positive conflict, reflecting on the positive features each brings to the relationship. Lastly, we will work through challenging negative thoughts and beliefs harmful to the relationships.
You and your daughter are worth this.
Something has to change, and it’s the relationship, not one another.
Mothers and daughters hold a position of great importance in each other’s lives, and the relationship should reflect it.
Let’s build a relationship based on trust, love, and respect.
You are longing for the relationship you once had, and I can help restore it.
Give me a call at (901) 281-7169.